« You don’t have a choice really! That’s not a decision to be made! You are who you are, and as hard as it may seem, the best s*** ever is freedom and peace with yourself! ». These were the words of the famous pop star Rihanna to one of her fans scared to come out of the closet. The fan, who wished to remain anonymous, said he turned to the singer earlier this month because as a gay black man, he felt scared to come out to his friends and family.
And the 28-year-old pop star replied, encouraging him to be honest and checking on his progress in DM conversations he shared with Buzzfeed.
We did not all have Rihanna’s support during our adolescence, but we all went through these hard times while we fought against our gay identity to please our entourage and avoid any embarassing questions. It’s a time of the life dedicated to self-discovery and assertiveness. We meet new people, and date guys especially. Gay teen dating is a question that X-ITER takes seriously into account. Gay applications represent for many young gays a media which helps them through their coming out process and the evolution of their identity. Identity is not something stable, it changes with experience. Applications can present many subversive aspects, but they are particularly successful inside gay community, especially among gay teens.
How to explain this ?
Gay teen dating process sounds usually like something scary for young innocent boys looking for meeting people but suffering from a lack of self-confidence. Society also weighs in their approach of the unknown. But this fear rather tends to disappear when you are surrounding by members of family or friends who may not understand your life choices and who you actually live daily with. Entourage unconsciously pushes young gays to discover themselves on their own, and as a consequence gay teen dating develops through applications which have the quality of not rejecting you for who you are. They are a place made for free speech devoid of any form of reproof.
Nevertheless, young gays can go through bad experiences with applications. They can have big disappointments, hoping meeting someone incredible and realizing that the man they were talking to is finally not what they had expected him to be. Also some teens lost the sens of reality and natural dating. The more they win confidence on these applications, the more they loose it in real life. Expressing oneself behind a screen is definitely different from dealing with ones speech in front of a real person, looking at you, probably judging you (in bad or good sense). Gay teen dating can be in this case a justified source of apprehension for young people.
Why not playing with your look, letting it talking to your place, instead of having trouble finding your words ? This can be a first step !
Gays have always needed to find communal codes to hide from dominant heterosexual society. In the beginning of 1970s in New York, a journalist from Hebdo The Village Voice launched the « hanky code », inspired from a 19th century gay custom. The rules are simple. Guys used a handkerchief, chose a specific color, and hanged it at the back of their pants, on the right or the left pocket. X-ITER brings up the concept to date. Summer’s coming, and you want to show off in front of your friends with a new conceptual swimwear and the accessory associated ! You’d rather be playing with the X-ITER dating fashion-codes ! Remaining sexy and stopping being worried about how to walk up to someone is the new definition of gay teen dating.